Cancer · Hope · People

The thing with feathers that perches in the soul

I’m currently sitting in the waiting room looking forward to chemo number 23. The anticipatory nausea has set in and I think I must be looking slightly green around the gills. 

I wanted to give you all an update after my last rather depressing post. In short I’m back in my hope! 

We went down to Peter Mac last week and saw Michael my usual oncologist and also a clinical trial doctor . The appointment with the clinical trials doctor was truly amazing. Things are moving fast in the cancer world – I only hope they are fast enough for me. 

One of the most powerful things that this doctor said to me was along the lines of “you have to live everyday and that is very difficult without hope”. We all hope, regardless of our situation. We might be hoping for a better job, or a partner or more money. Having incurable cancer is no different. I need to hope. Of course I still hope for the smaller things like the perfect pair of jeans, but I also hope that I’ll live a long time. I’m okay with being chronically ill and on treatment but I hope for time. I hope to see Violet start and finish school. 

It’s shaken me how fragile my hope proved to be. But I’ve got it back and I’m clinging on with all my might. 

3 thoughts on “The thing with feathers that perches in the soul

  1. I too am about to start my fourth round of chemo I’m into my forth year of fighting too. You must keep strong never give up or give in. Yes like you I have days when I just think what the hell but I have a wonderful family and supportive friends who see I don’t feel that way for long. I praying you get to find a new cancer treatment that will help shrink your cancers or even iradicate it. Good luck remember you’re never alone 🌹🙏💕

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