I’m currently sitting in the waiting room looking forward to chemo number 23. The anticipatory nausea has set in and I think I must be looking slightly green around the gills.
I wanted to give you all an update after my last rather depressing post. In short I’m back in my hope!
We went down to Peter Mac last week and saw Michael my usual oncologist and also a clinical trial doctor . The appointment with the clinical trials doctor was truly amazing. Things are moving fast in the cancer world – I only hope they are fast enough for me.
One of the most powerful things that this doctor said to me was along the lines of “you have to live everyday and that is very difficult without hope”. We all hope, regardless of our situation. We might be hoping for a better job, or a partner or more money. Having incurable cancer is no different. I need to hope. Of course I still hope for the smaller things like the perfect pair of jeans, but I also hope that I’ll live a long time. I’m okay with being chronically ill and on treatment but I hope for time. I hope to see Violet start and finish school.
It’s shaken me how fragile my hope proved to be. But I’ve got it back and I’m clinging on with all my might.