This blog has been much neglected for most of 2018 and for this I’m sorry. In truth I’m trying to work out where to go with it. Life is somewhat more settled than it has been since my diagnosis and I am enjoying cancer not completely having centre stage.
Since I last wrote I had progression of my lung tumours and became symptomatic with a cough that never quite went away. I realised while we were on holiday in Ireland that I was having some pain when breathing deeply. So the scan results in October on our return were not such a shock.
I started on cetuximab which is a targeted therapy in combination with irinotecan, a chemo drug I’ve had before. This time irinotecan did a number on me and my hair fell out very quickly and the nausea and vomiting has been terrible. My tumour markers have headed back towards normal though and I am hopeful that my scan on the second of January will show stability. If so there will be more cetuximab in my future. If not, I’m not sure what will be next.
Violet is starting reception (similar to preschool) in February. I remember in my early days of dealing with this diagnosis I couldn’t imagine how I could stretch my survival to this point, given the statistics and the state of my liver. I have been very lucky.
For 2019 I am taking a leaf out of Gretchen Rubin’s book and focusing on one word to guide my actions and decisions. And that word is STRUCTURE. Not particularly inspiring or exciting but much needed after almost four years of living in a very reactive way. Hopefully 2019 will be kind.
Wishing you all a kind 2019.
– Rainer Maria Rilke with artwork by Rifle Paper Co